this is what depression is… its like a hit to the fucking face. It’s just there. and there’s nothing that anyone can do about it. Medications don’t help. All of that is bullshit. No one can help me, not even myself. I wake up every morning feeling like the worst person in the world; and yes, I do know that there are people out there that have it worse than I do. I guess I’m just weak… My depression leads to my addiction to self harm, also to my addiction to drugs and alcohol. I DEPEND on that to keep me happy, although it never works. One cut turns into two, and two cuts turn into 200. I just don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to have to depend on unhealthy things to keep me happy, and sometimes even cutting and drugs don’t do the trick. That’s when I contemplate suicide. I always think that is the best way… I mean, it’s not like anyone in this world would actually miss me. I complain to much too. Listen to me bitching over tumblr… no one on here cares about me either, I’m still going to hurt myself tonight. I always do, I’m weak, pathetic, and worthless, and i have absolutely no self control.
Theres three reasons:
the physical pain takes away the emotional pain.
I like scars.
Lastly and most importantly, I need someone to see I am not ok.
I need help. My smile is fake. My eyes hide pain.
I need to go away, get help, and find myself.
August 12, 2012: USA Basketball defeats France 107-100 for the Gold at 2012 Olympics.
(Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)